How distress tolerance skills can help when life feels overwhelming
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Distress tolerance skills, from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), can help you manage tough emotions. Learn 12 ways to use them to get through life's hard moments.
You know the moments that feel like too much, too fast — like the argument that stays with you long after it ends, the email that ruins your appetite, or the sudden panic when a plan unravels. In those situations, advice like “just breathe” or “stay positive” often falls flat. The emotions are too intense, and your nervous system is already in overdrive.
This is where distress tolerance tools come in. These are practical body-and-brain-based skills designed to help you get through emotional overwhelm without making the situation worse. Rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), distress tolerance isn’t about avoiding feelings or pretending everything’s fine. Instead, its primary goal is to help you move through discomfort with care, so you can respond rather than react.
Still, it’s important to remember to use these skills in a crisis for them to be effective. We'll explore what distress tolerance skills are, why they matter in DBT, and how to use them in moments when your emotions feel unmanageable. Whether you're in the middle of a spiral or just trying to prevent one, these tools are here to help you feel more steady, safe, and supported.
What are distress tolerance skills?
Distress tolerance skills are short-term coping strategies that help you manage painful or overwhelming emotions without making the situation worse. They don’t erase distress, nor are they about pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Instead, they give you a way to stay steady until the intensity of the emotion passes.
Think of these skills as the emotional equivalent of a seatbelt. While they don’t stop the crash, they protect you from the worst of the impact. They work by anchoring you in the present, shifting your focus, and giving your nervous system a chance to reset.
Distress tolerance skills and DBT
Distress tolerance is one of the four core skill sets in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), alongside mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT was originally developed by psychologist Marsha Linehan, and designed to support people who experience emotions with extreme intensity. Today, it’s widely used for a range of mental health challenges and everyday stressors.
Within DBT, distress tolerance skills are considered crisis tools. They’re not meant to solve the underlying problem, as that work comes later with emotion regulation and problem-solving skills. Instead, distress tolerance gives you the breathing room to ride out an emotional surge safely, so that you can return to the issue with more clarity later.
3 reasons to use distress tolerance skills
Distress tolerance skills help you manage intense emotions in ways that protect your wellbeing. Here are just a few ways in which they can help:
1. They prevent impulsive reactions: In a heated argument, distress tolerance skills can help you pause and stop yourself from saying something you’ll regret. Even a few deep breaths or stepping into another room can interrupt the cycle before it escalates.
2. They help you get through crises safely: When you’re waiting for test results or struggling with a sudden loss, distress tolerance skills help you endure the intensity of the moment. They don’t fix the crisis, but they help keep you steady until you’re able to act with a clearer head.
3. They build emotional resilience: The more you practice, the more confidence you gain in your ability to ride out strong feelings. Over time, distress tolerance becomes less about “just getting by” and more about knowing you have reliable tools to handle whatever comes your way.
When not to use distress tolerance skills
Distress tolerance skills are incredibly useful, but they’re not meant to replace long-term coping or problem-solving. If you find yourself relying on distraction every night to avoid relationship conflict or using grounding exercises to get through work panic without addressing burnout, these skills may be keeping you stuck.
It helps to think of distress tolerance as a bandage. In the short term, it’s protective and necessary. But if a deeper wound needs stitches, the bandage isn’t enough.
Use these skills for immediate relief when emotions are overwhelming, but then shift to other supports once you feel steadier — like boundary setting, reaching out for help, or addressing the root cause.
How to practice distress tolerance skills: 12 tips for sitting with uncomfortable emotions
Below are step-by-step tools you can use in real moments of stress. Each one is brief and grounded in DBT’s distress tolerance module. See which ones you resonate with, and remember to try them when you’re going through a crisis: they help more than you might think.
1. Use the STOP skill to pause before reacting
S — Stop. Freeze your body.
T — Take a step back. If possible, physically step away or plant both feet on the floor to ground yourself.
O — Observe. Name what’s happening, like your heart racing, having the urge to yell, or whatever looping thought you can’t get out of.
P — Proceed mindfully. Choose the next small, skillful move you can take, like drinking water or taking a walk.
A simple way to remember to try it is to put the word “STOP” on your phone's lock screen. When you notice a spike of anger or panic, run the four main steps before doing anything else. 
Read more: Feeling anxious? Try the STOP technique for a quick reset
2. Reset your body with TIPP
These are rapid, physiology-first tools for when emotions are at 7–10/10.
However, before you do these, check in on safety: if you have a cardiac, respiratory, or temperature-sensitive condition, use easier versions of these tips (like cool room air or slower walks).
Temperature (T): Splash cold water on your face, hold an ice pack to your cheeks or eyes for 30–60 seconds, or rinse your wrists with cold water to trigger a calming reflex.
Intense exercise (I): 30–90 seconds of fast stairs, jumping jacks, or a brisk walk can help burn off excess adrenaline.
Paced breathing (P): Exhale longer than you inhale (for instance, inhale for four and exhale for six) for 1–2 minutes to help calm your nervous system.
Progressive muscle relaxation (P): Tense one muscle group for 5–7 seconds, and then release for 10–15 seconds. Keep repeating until you go through your whole body from head to toe. 
3. Self-soothe with the five senses
Create a quick sensory reset using sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. This shifts your attention from ruminative thoughts to concrete sensations, which can then ease emotional intensity in the short term. 
Here’s how to do it:
Build a kit: This has to contain something you can hear, feel, taste, feel, and see. For example, one kit can include a calming playlist, a soft scarf, mint gum, scented lotion, and a grounding photo.
Remember it in the moment: Choose one sense and spend 60 seconds fully with it — for instance, feel the texture of the lotion or try and identify all the sounds in the playlist. Then, choose another one, and keep going until you go through the entire kit.
💙 Explore the Power of the Senses with Jay Shetty on the Calm app.
4. Distract skillfully with ACCEPTS
Use brief, intentional distraction when emotions are too high for problem-solving. Set a 10–20-minute timer, then recheck your urges. Here’s how it works:
A — Activities, so quick tasks like laundry, dishes, or a short walk
C — Contributing, like a text encouragement to a friend or holding the door for someone
C — Comparisons, like remembering a time you coped with something even harder than this present moment and got out successfully
E — Emotions, so try to evoke a different feeling through cues like an upbeat song or comedy clip
P — Pushing away, like parking the issue in a notebook and giving yourself another time to revisit it
T — Thoughts, so do a puzzle, count backwards, or recite lyrics to transform thought patterns
S — Sensations, so hold a warm mug or use a scented wipe to activate your senses
These distractions don’t solve the issue, but they calm you down enough so that you can revisit the issue with a stronger mindset.
5. IMPROVE the moment when you can’t change it (yet)
Use this skill when the situation is unchangeable for now, but your distress still keeps climbing. IMPROVE helps you soften the moment from the inside, even when the outside can’t shift.
I — Imagery: Picture the emotion as a wave that rises, peaks, and falls.
M — Meaning: Try to name why the stressor matters so much to you (like if it points to grief or a violated boundary, for instance).
P — Prayer/values: Connect to your values or a larger perspective.
R — Relaxation: Try a brief stretch or 60 seconds of paced breathing.
O — One thing in the moment: Make this a single, simple task like folding laundry, and narrate the steps out loud.
V — Vacation: Take 5–10 minutes off, either by sitting outside, turning your phone off, or changing rooms.
E — Encouragement: Make it a habit to keep calm through self-talk. You could say something like, “This is hard, and I can ride it out.” 
6. Pause and weigh the pros and cons
When you feel the urge to act on something intense (like sending the text, canceling everything, or shutting down completely), take a moment to map it out. Grab a sheet of paper and draw four boxes. In the top row, write out the short-term and long-term pros and cons of acting on the urge. In the second row, do the same for not acting on it.
Be specific and honest. “I avoid the conversation for now” might be a short-term pro, while “trust erodes later” could be a long-term con. Before you make a decision, re-read the long-term boxes. This simple pause can give you just enough space to choose with clarity instead of reactivity.
7. Practice radical acceptance and turning the mind
Some situations can’t be changed… at least not at this very second. Radical acceptance is the practice of acknowledging reality as it is without resistance, so you can save energy for coping instead of fighting what’s already happening. It doesn’t mean you approve of the situation, but you do realize that you can’t change it immediately.
When your mind starts re-arguing (like repeating to yourself how unfair everything is), gently turn it back toward acceptance. You may have to do this many times.
Then, pair the shift with a physical signal, like a half-smile or relaxed hands, to help your body follow your intention. A grounding phrase like, “I don’t like this, but it’s what’s here. What helps me cope right now?” can help you stay present without giving up.
💙 Need some extra support? Press play on Deep Acceptance with Jeff Warren on the Calm app.
8. Surf the urge instead of acting on it
When a strong urge hits—whether it’s to scroll, lash out, numb out, or shut down—it can feel like it’ll take you under. But like a wave, every urge has a rise, a peak, and a fall. The key is to ride it out without feeding it.
Visualize yourself as a surfer: noticing the urge, naming it, and then gently returning to your breath or senses. Most urges lose their power within minutes if you don’t act on them. This practice isn’t about suppressing anything, but learning to stay with discomfort until it passes (which it often does).
💙 If things feel heavy, use the Guided Visualization, part of the 7 Days of Soothing Pain Series, with Oren Jay Sofer on the Calm app.
9. Ground with the 5-4-3-2-1 method
When your thoughts are racing, or your body feels on edge, grounding can help bring you back to the present. The 5-4-3-2-1 method uses your senses to steady your focus and calm your nervous system.
Start by naming five things you can see. Then, four things you can hear, three you can feel, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
Go slowly and be specific: think of the blue speckled mug, the cool air on your forearms, or a distant car engine. The more detail you notice, the more anchored you’ll feel.
Read more: 5-4-3-2-1 grounding: How to use this simple technique for coping with anxiety
10. Set a timer to ride out the distress
When an urge feels overwhelming, commit to a short pause before taking action. Decide, “For the next 10 minutes, I won’t act on this. I’ll use my skills, and then check in.” Use a visual timer so you can see the time passing.
During the countdown, rotate through any techniques that help, like grounding, self-soothing, or TIPP skills. Often, the intensity fades enough for you to choose a safer, more intentional next step.
If the urge is still strong after the timer ends, you can repeat the process and consider reaching out to a support contact. Sometimes, the most powerful decision is simply waiting through the peak.
11. Build a micro-plan for your top triggers
Some emotional storms are more predictable than others. Instead of reacting in the moment, try building a plan ahead of time. For each trigger, choose three things: a skill, a script, and a support.
For example, if a critical email tends to send you spiraling, here’s how you can use it:
Skill: Use the STOP technique, and then try two minutes of paced breathing.
Script: “Pause. Draft later, and don’t send yet.”
Support: Text a trusted friend to vent.
Write down your go-to plan in your notes app or keep it on a small card in your bag. That way, when emotions rise, you won’t have to figure it out from scratch. You’ll already know what helps.
12. Create a portable distress kit
When you’re overwhelmed, even small tools can help you feel more grounded. A distress kit is a simple pouch filled with a few sensory items that calm your body and steady your focus: think things that are light enough to carry, but effective enough to use when you need them.
You might include mints or sour candy for taste, a calming scent roller for smell, a smooth stone or soft cloth for touch, and a photo or small nature image for sight. Add a pair of earbuds with a short breathing track for sound, plus a note card with a few go-to skills like STOP or ACCEPTS, and the initials of someone you can reach out to.
The purpose of this is just to help you get through the next few minutes with a little more support — and having it on hand means you’re more likely to use it.
Related read: The ultimate anxiety toolkit
After the wave: what to do next
Distress tolerance skills are meant for the immediate moment, so you can go through intense emotions without making things worse. Once that intensity drops, it’s important to shift into longer-term support, like problem-solving, emotional regulation, or values-based action.
This might include setting a boundary, getting some sleep, eating a nourishing meal, or reconnecting with something or someone that matters to you.
If urges toward self-harm or substance use continue to spike, it may be time to explore additional support through a therapist or DBT group. If you’re in immediate danger, contact local emergency services. In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In the U.K., contact Samaritans at 116 123. Make sure to use the equivalent in your country if you’re outside these regions.
Distress tolerance skills FAQs
What are some quick examples of distress tolerance skills I can try?
Quick distress tolerance skills are the ones you can reach for in under a minute when emotions spike. Try grounding with your senses: name five things you see, four things you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
Holding something cold, like an ice cube or a chilled can, is another fast reset for your nervous system. Distraction also works in the short term, so fold laundry, put on an upbeat song, or step outside for some fresh air.
The goal isn’t to solve the problem immediately, but to interrupt the emotional overwhelm long enough to get through the difficult moment.
How are distress tolerance skills different from emotion regulation skills?
Distress tolerance skills and emotion regulation skills often get mixed up, but they serve different purposes.
Distress tolerance is about survival in the heat of the moment: it helps you endure intense emotions without reacting impulsively. Emotion regulation, on the other hand, is about prevention and long-term change. Emotional regulation skills help you understand your emotions, reduce your vulnerability to stress, and respond to feelings in healthier ways over time.
In other words, distress tolerance helps you ride the wave, while emotion regulation teaches you how to navigate the ocean more skillfully in the future.
Can I use distress tolerance skills without being in DBT therapy?
Yes. While DBT offers a structured way to learn and practice these skills, you don’t have to be in therapy to benefit from them. Many people find that simple tools like grounding, paced breathing, or distraction can help them handle everyday stress.
That said, practicing these skills with the support of a therapist or DBT group can make them easier to integrate and tailor to your specific needs. If you notice that distress tolerance skills alone aren’t enough or that you’re often relying on them to get through daily life, it may be worth exploring professional support.
When should I not use distress tolerance skills?
These skills are not meant to be long-term fixes or ways to avoid dealing with problems. For example, if you use distraction every night to escape relationship conflict, or always turn to self-soothing instead of addressing burnout, these skills can unintentionally keep you stuck.
Distress tolerance is most useful in short-term crises, when emotions feel too strong for problem-solving. Once you’re calmer, it’s important to move toward long-term coping strategies, whether that’s having the difficult conversation, setting a boundary, or addressing the root of the stress.
How long does it take to get better at using these skills?
Like any practice, distress tolerance gets easier with repetition. At first, the skills may feel clunky, or like they don’t work fast enough. But over time, your body and mind start to recognize them as familiar responses.
Many people notice improvements within weeks if they practice distress tolerance skills regularly — and especially so during smaller stressors as opposed to major crises. Think of it as building muscle memory. The more often you rehearse these skills, the more natural they become when you truly need them.
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